I’ve mentioned before that I know NPCs don’t have real life avatars.  I almost pity them.  If they had real life avatars, maybe they wouldn’t be so feldamned stupid.  I mean, seriously, have you paid attention to some of these half-wits? I know I’m often seen by them as a glorified errand girl, but I’m not an idiot.  I may have been reborn recently, but I know when I’m being ordered to complete the Same. Exact. Task. again.

Take this guy, Lord Torvos…

I was eager to work my way up the ranks of the Shattered Sun Offensive and build a reputation with them.  But how stupid could he be to lose the Sunfury attack plans every day? Fel almighty, he’s lucky I didn’t strike him down myself.  Some days I thought he was playing a cruel joke as I’d spend what seemed like forever searching the corpses of my fallen enemies for those plans.  How hard would it have been to lock them up safely after I retrieved them the first time?

But noooo.  Every day he’d send me out on a suicide mission to find them.  I should have reported him to his superior for being such a numbskull.

Next we have this woman, Arko’narin.

I returned to Felwood to see if there was any help I could lend.  I know that area is much less traveled these days.  As I was tending to some things, I decided to check on Jaedenar.  I was curious if it remained clear after my mass “cleansing” a few years ago.  Of course, it had become overrun yet again.  I ventured into one of the buildings and found a Night Elf woman in a cage.

This gave me pause.

I remembered that cage… and that woman.

I don’t know why I’d helped her previously.  I suppose it was because I was young and naive and she had a compelling story as she plead to be freed.

She had the nerve to pretend I wasn’t standing outside her cage, yet again.

I should have killed her.  Instead, I cackled and left, warning nearby wannabe heroes that she’d kill them if they got too close to the cage door.

And finally, (well, not the final stupid NPC, there are dozens more, I’m afraid) there’s this guy, Gilthares Firebough.

As I wandered up and down the coastline, venting my frustrations upon the Southsea pirates that camped there, I happened upon Northwatch Hold.  I knew of a man in Ratchet that would pay for the medallions carried by these marines and proceeded to collect a few.  Inside one of the towers, I found this male elf, sitting and moping.  He begged me to rescue him and escort him back to Ratchet.  I was puzzled at his pleas as I saw no cage or shackles.  I really think he could have escaped anytime he pleased.

But I figured there’d be a reward in it for me.

As I helped him along, I couldn’t believe how ridiculously crazy he was.  Here I was, trying to sneak him around the many pirate camps, not wanting to have his blood on my hands.  (I may be cruel, but only with reason.)  That frakkin’ idiot would run full speed into a group of pirates, start throwing punches, then scream bloody murder that he was being attacked and needed me to save him.

Well, stay away from them and keep your hands to yourself.

Turns out, he’s a glutton for punishment and keeps getting himself trapped inside that tower.  When I tried to acquire my reward for bringing him back with minimal scratches and bruises, I was handed a few coins and laughed at.  The idiot seems to think it’s a game.

Don’t be that guy.  Don’t be any of these stupid NPCs, I beg you.